I Finally Get It

These last couple weeks have continued the journey that God has me on this summer.

It started out with a visit to see my aunt and uncle in Stevensville, Montana. It was great to spend time with them and to rest among God's creation. They have an amazing view of the Bitterroot Mountain Range from their back porch. Sitting on the back porch with them, Spring and watching the sunset behind the mountains was a perfect end to each day.

While in Montana, we stopped in a store where I saw a wall plaque with the quote: "Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations." In my time with God, over the next few days, I reflected and remembered the difficult roads I have been on in my life. I started recalling and praising God for how He was always with me on those difficult roads. He was with me on those roads and led me to some pretty incredible destinations on the other side. I still have a period of about 10 years to go through and reflect on and sit with. But from what I have seen so far as I started writing things down, I have been reminded of the line from the Phil Wickam song, "It's Always Been You" constantly came to mind. The line was: "All my life, your love was breaking through." As I continued to write, the words appeared in my journal:

Your Love Is

• Constant

• Pure

• Steady

• Trustworthy

• Neverceasing

• Unconditional

Now I have known all of these things in my mind. But I felt these things making their way into my heart.

Still ... there was something that was blocking the truth from getting fully in my heart and truly feeling it.

Spring and I left Montana and soon headed to camp along the North Umpqua River. One morning I read Matthew 1:18-25. God was continuing to make it clear to me that He does keep His promises. I continued to reflect on major points in my life (good and difficult) and praising God for how He was there in it all. It was beginning to make sense what was keeping the truth from getting fully into my heart. The blockage was that I had continued to think that God had let me down during the difficult times in my life. Therefore I put other people and things ahead of Him and continued to try to do things on my own as a way of trying to control my fear and anxiety about being let down.

I can say that God has been gracious and patient. Yesterday, I can say that I finally got it. I finally got it, not just in my head, but in my heart. It wasn't God that let me down. People have let me down. Things have let me down. All have failed to fill the void that has been in my soul, what I have hungered to fill. I can feel my heart starting to truly hunger for God first and foremost. That hunger has honestly been building the months leading up to my Sabbatical but I really couldn't describe it. I pray that this doesn't sound like I'm saying that I have arrived. I am trying to say that I feel I have had a breakthrough in my love relationship with God. As God seems to do with me, He confirmed where things were headed with some words from a reading this morning: "Does my whole life and especially my priorities taste of my devotion to Jesus? Is there anything I am struggling to let go of in order to go deeper with Jesus right now?" Great questions that I will continue to sit with on this part of the journey being with God.

Almost 6 weeks into my Sabbatical and I am overwhelmed and thankful for God's love, for His grace, for His Creation.