How many of you are like me and find it hard to relax? Even when I think I am relaxing, my body still feels stressed. I had a massage this week in hopes of relieving some of that stress. The person giving the massage told me a couple times to just relax. Well, all that does it makes me try harder to relax which then causes me to get more tense.
Today was our monthly soul care day for KidZ at Heart. I love that we get the opportunity to do this each month. This is the first month that we are all taking our soul care day on the same day. Taking some time for soul care and then spending time in silence and solitude use to scare me. Now, I look forward to it.
Today, I hiked part of the Eagle Creek Trail via the Douglas Trail. It was a beautiful day and definitely a time of solitude as there was no one else on the trail except for a couple that I passed on the way back. It was a rather quiet day just soaking up God's creation. I spent some time by the creek (more like a river). I was thinking about this practice of relaxing. The majority of my life I have continued to try to be good, try to be the perfect son, try to be the perfect husband, try to be the perfect dad, perfect co-worker, perfect boss, and yes I have tried to be the perfect follower of Christ. I continue to strive. I continued to try, try, try. So as I was spending some time by the creek, I began to think about how hard it is for me to relax and how I do try so hard to just relax. Then it hit me, relaxing has become something I am just trying hard to do, trying hard to accomplish. I sat with this and God. And it became clear that God is not asking me to continue trying to relax, he wants me to just be. Now, I have known this in my mind, and God has been working on this with me over the last few years, what it means to just be with him. But it was today, it reached a deeper part of my soul. In trying so hard to relax, I became more stressed. God is asking me to just be. Just be with him. Just be in his presence.
There is so much more to this and so many areas of my life where this hits. I don't even have the words to describe all the parts of my soul this is hitting.
I love the song by Johnny Diaz, Breathe. I especially like the part of the song where the music slows down and the lyrics are "And be, Just Be". Take a listen.
So I think for me is is not a matter of just trying to relax. For me to relax means to "Just Be."
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