The second week and first half of the third week of my sabbatical has been very good but also hard in some aspects. God continued to dive deep in my soul. The first week, I was challenged about where I really get my sense of identity. This last 1 1/2 weeks have seen God dive deeper into the lies I have believed about myself. God continues to challenge me with the lie I believe that if I just do everything I can, if I just do the very best that I can do, then things will work out. When things don't work out, I have believed that it must have been something that I did not do well. I have believed that I did not do the best that I could do. Writing it out here, it does seem kind of silly to believe this lie. But it is how I learned to cope with life and to live. And for the most part, things worked out okay.
God continues to invite me to let go of the lies, including the one above, and to trust Him. My soul craves that trust, but it also resists letting go. Letting go is hard work. Especially when these lies have been woven into the inner parts of me.
In my readings this week, a quote by Dallas Willard really stuck out to me: "Do your best, but don't trust your best - trust God." So often, I have trusted my best instead of trusting God. As I grow in being with God and letting
go of things, I am letting go of trusting in my best. Trusting in my best has led to continually looking in the past and looking ahead instead of living in the present. It has led to many frustrations and heartache. God's invitation to trust Him, leads to quietness, renewal, rest, and peace.
"Be still and know that I am God." - Psalm 46:10a, NIV. I need to know and trust that I have done my part and be still, knowing that God is God and He is trustworthy.
God continues to bring joy connecting with Him in his creation on the solo hikes I did this past 1 1/2 weeks. He has also brought joy as Spring and I connected with each other out in his creation exploring places we have never been before. This included time exploring the southern Oregon coast with Audrey yesterday. I love that I don't have to go far to connect with God the way I connect with him best, out in nature.
God is definitely showing up. Why, my soul, did I doubt?
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